Under Pressure

In the interview O'Brien states, "My content is not bombs and bullets and airplanes and strategy and tactics. ... It too is about the human heart and the pressures put on it." These pressures are shown throughout the book. Kiowa sinking into the "shit field" I think demonstrates one of O'Brien's personal heart pressures.
"Twenty years. A lot like yesterday, a lot like never. In a way, maybe, I'd gone under with Kiowa, and now after two decades I had worked my way out. " In this quote O'Brien captures what I feel quite often. He is shocked at how long it has been since Kiowa and the war. He can remember it all so vividly yet it still doesn't feel like it ever happened. He feels like in some ways when Kiowa sunk into the "shit field" he lost some of himself and maybe even some of his innocence with him. Now he feels like he is starting to find that part and innocence of himself again.
Last fall I heard the words that changed my life and will continue to change my life. "Mallory, your mom has cancer." As I sit here now I can still hear it echoing through my head in a distinct rhythm. cancer, Cancer, CANCER. Every moment of that day will be permanently etched in my brain for eternity. It is so vivid yet it feels like a lifetime ago since last fall. I look in the mirror sometimes and am shocked to see my twenty year old self when really I feel like I have aged 20 years in the past year. When I heard those words and in the months that followed I really did loose part of myself to the "shit field".
"I felt something go shut inside my heart while something else swung open." I think that the something going shut while something else swung open is a letting go of the pressure on his heart. He has been carrying this pressure around for twenty years and it finally is able to leave and he has some closure with the death of Kiowa and the emotional burden that was placed upon him.
I can't say that I have a had a complete shutting and opening in my heart. Partially because I am in the midst of it still. However, when I finally get to the moment in time I want to be able to say, "All that's finished."